Barking moonbats in Vienna are trying to endow a soon-to-be "homeless" chimp called Hiasl with basic rights by having him declared a "person".

Of course their position is absurd.  It's also riddled with contradictions.  Here are just a couple: 

They are always squawking about how putting animals -- er, sorry, people -- in cages is degrading.  But now they are campaigning for his "right" to remain stuck in one. 

The rights they want Hiasl to have are "the right to life, the right to not be tortured, the right to freedom under certain conditions".  But if he was given the ultimate "freed om" (that is, re-released into the wild) he'd immediately lose the first two.  (Not that the toothy carnivores of the jungle are strictly into "torture"as such; it's just that the slow, gruesome death they inflict might feel like that for the victim.  Nature is "red in tooth and claw", remember.) 

And re that "right to life":  Activist Martin Balluch reminds us that "chimps share 99.4% of their DNA with humans".  Yeah, well, human foetuses share 100% of their DNA with humans.  Are we gonna hear any complaints about abortion from his corner? 

On the contrary, Balluch and his followers not only don't give a tinker's, they probably heartily endorse the opposite position.

Lunatics.