2005 Archives You'll see in the archives section above that 2005 is missing. That's some glitch that will hopefully rectify itself eventually. But in the meantime if you want to find my posts from this period they are below:
Being a tightwad and a cheapskate (and also particularly greedy) I'm constantly on the lookout for ways to get web traffic for free. Signing up to a traffic exchange is one of the better ones. Here are some you might want to join:
Readers of this blog may have sensed that I don't like feminists very much. But nothing could be further from the truth. I'm all for feminism: the fiercely independent, take no prisoners, "Go take a-flying-fuck-at-a-rollin g-donut!" kind, that is (as opposed to the wussy-pussy, suffix-fearing, Taliban-appeasing, politically correct variety you see much more often).
And I've just found a perfect example of the kind of feminist I like. Scroll down the page and you'll see a shot of one having just disposed of a sexist pig.
Uh oh! Looks like Latham has got on the wrong side of one of the ethnic communities in his electorate (I won't name it for fear of condemnation by the ABC and/or HREOC - not to mention being targeted for a gangland style drive-by hit).
I know I'm going to sound like a whingeing fluffy wuffy, but I do have to concur (at least partially) with the Neville-Nevins of the world when they say that Australia is too obsessed with sport. I have my own emotional baggage re this subject because I share my name with a world famous cricketer.
Of course, I understand that the reason I'm almost completely unknown is because of harsh economic reality. That is, most people don't give a tinker's about humorous writing or live comedy and would much rather watch someone go spacko with a bat.
Fair enough.
I also know that one of the reasons people don't give a tinker's about humorous writing or live comedy is because these little sub-genres were never big crowd pullers in the first place. And the stultifying effect of PC has further eroded the public's interest in them.
Still, the disparity between his profile and mine really does shit me.
And re the publicity surrounding David Hookes' death and funeral: I do find it a bit over the top. It's like the whole nation is in mourning. He sounds like he was a unique individual, and highly skilled. And what a sad and awful way to go. But really, did he contribute all that much to society?
I'm not going to compare him to artists who have carked, since most Australian artists have contributed sweet fuck all. But there are heaps of scientists, for instance, who have improved our lives hugely, and they don't even score an obit in The Oz when they buy the farm.
Call me a lefty, but this sportomania is bloody unhealthy, I reckon.
It contains a great quote from dippy fluff wordsmithette Marion Halligan:
"I can't imagine you'd find an artist anywhere saying, 'I love working under the Howard Government'."
That's arrogant, elitist and flat-out wrong.
I'm an artist, and proud of it. I'm also bloody good at my art: live comedy. I've long had the respect of my peers and even won a couple of awards for it - at bloody fringe 'n whinge festivals to boot! So my arty wanker-cred is beyond question. And I think John Howard is a great leader with a humane vision that is highly conducive - not antagonistic - to creativity. I would love to "work under" his government, but unfortunately he has no influence in that area. The arts scene is still completely controlled by the pin-headed, pin-hearted, half-people of the Left.
The depressing continuation of their niggardly, mind-stunting little empire illustrates just how bloody way-off their complaints about Howard and his rule actually are. They remain free to squawk, squitter and carp at taxpayer's expense, just as they have always done. And they remain free to censor dissent by subtle - sometimes overt - intimidation and exclusion, just as they have always done.
There are other arty wankers who are utterly exasperated by the endless whining of smug mediocrities like Halligan. But you don't hear about them. Why? Because they either get so tired of being surrounded by bong-suckling, eccie-guzzling quarter-wits with sod-all talent that they eventually just walk away and get real jobs; or they hang around biting their lips all day and night, then (resentfully) crank out dull, dreary ultra-PC shite they have no respect for or belief in, so as to occasionally receive handouts from the Thought and Emotion Police as a reward for ideological conformity (that is: arts grants).
Friggin' Orwellian, it is, I tell ya. And creepy as.
The saddest thing is that most of the squitizens of Artsville are so thick, infantile and brainwashed by the constant Stalinist thwockery that the chance of any sort of organized rebellion developing is about one tenth of buggerall.
They're in the belly of the beast, splashing about in all the putrid bile. Yet they think it's a heated indoor swimming pool. And the bilge they're guzzling? To them it's the finest caviar.
The poor little poppets have known nothing else their entire lives. And they're just too damaged and terrified to imagine there might be an alternative, let alone seek it.
It's heart-breaking; a real tragedy. I've thought of adapting it for the stage myself. But I've never gotten around to it. Why? Well, it would just never get a grant, now would it?
Got caught in the thunderstorms lashing Sydney both yesterday and the day before. Lightning was striking in places that didn't seem all that far away. As I was running for cover, I thought some poor unlucky bugger is going to cop it.
And unfortunately I was right. What a way to go. I just hope he was out cold soon after the bolt hit and didn't suffer.
Looks like Latham is going to make a very general claim in an upcoming speech supporting his intention to ban political donations from tobacco companies.
"In his speech, Mr Latham is expected to argue it is no longer morally acceptable for political parties to benefit from a product that kills."
Fairly dodgy thing to say. Politics is all about benefiting from products (and forces, and events) that kill: war, homicide, domestic violence, traffic accidents, terminal diseases to name a few. They're among the best vote-getters there are!
Robyn Nevin - who is a right Neville - rehashes all the same old shit we keep hearing from the plonk-pilfering, gouda-guzzling, Whitlam-worshipping wankerheads of Artsville.
It contains the all-time classic pinko line: "Subsidy shaped our contemporary history."
People are doing very strange things to their pets in Chile.
What's causing it? Definitely some extraterrestrial force. I reckon it's a lot like what happened in the classic book The Midwich Cuckoos. Only this time, it's much, much weirder.
I just found this story about a new naughty search engine called "Booble" (via Paul and Carl).
Wonder what'll be next in the adult search engine biz. Perhaps one for food fetishists called "Noodle"? Or one for really revolting sites called "Spewgle"? Or one for coprophiliacs called "Poogle"?
A few posts back I mentioned the "Pornolizer", which I think is a work of genius. (But then, I would. I'd make Mr Bean seem mature, after all!) But re that: Just had more fun with it.
Found a page from the Body Shop which made me want to barf. Applied the online software.
This editorial in the Daily Terrorgraph includes quotes from an interview with John Howard, who describes an "exodus" from "politically correct" public schools. It's followed by this paragraph:
Mr Howard's comments might give rise to a number of questions. What is the extent of the so-called exodus? What are the elements of the "politically correct" agendas promulgated by government school teachers? And what evidence is there that teachers from government schools operate in a moral vacuum?
What evidence? Crikey. What evidence do you need? Chalkies are all pinkos from way back. Goes without saying. They play hooky more often than the bloody kids, they do.
This headline states that some drunken elephants were "electrocted" - whatever the hell that is. I'd say the sub-editor has probably had a few too many himself, and therefore risks suffering the same fate.
Stay away from the power lines on your way home, mate!
Just thought I'd mention that I've got another blog running. It was prompted by my decision to try and earn a few more bucks buying and selling stuff from home (mentioned earlier).
It's a tad more staid than this blog, but you might find it interesting.
The ageing feminist bimbos of Hollywood are squawking up a storm about discrimination again.
My suggestion: If they want to keep working, why don't they change tack a little? Looks like there are heaps of roles still open in this cinematic genre.
(And even a little acting talent would put them way ahead of the pack and guarantee even more work, I reckon.)
I just found a brilliantly funny site via Paul and Carl.
It's called "The Pornolizer". You just type in a page and it will instantly convert all text to the most, er, Rabelaisian content imaginable.
I tried it with a dull-as-fuck arts festival page.
It converted this:
A new focus and a new name have heralded an exciting new future for Australia's longest running arts and cultural festival. The Perth International Arts Festival is not only the premier cultural event in Western Australia, but is one of the nation's most treasured and highly regarded annual international arts festivals.
Over the next four years, culminating in it's 50th Anniversary in 2003, the Perth International Arts Festival will be staging some of the most ambitious and exciting indoor and outdoor events, showcasing the best productions from local, national & international artists & companies. The emphasis on the four elements will see the Perth International Arts Festival marry closely with the Western Australian environment through site-specific projects, not only in the Perth metropolitan area, but throughout the State.
To this:
A new motherfucks and a fomping new name have smooched an exciting new future for Australia's longest running arts and cultural festival. The wanking Perth "Fill me up" International Blows "Mistress Shiva" Festival is not only the premier cultural event in Western "Muffminer" Australia, but is one of the nation's most gamahucheed and highly regarded annual international arts festivals.
Over the cuntlapping next four years, culminating in it's 50th Anniversary in 2003, the Perth "Dripper Dick" International Arts "Superdick" Festival will be staging some of the most fingers and wad pulling indoor and outdoor dripps, barfing the assfucking best productions from local, national & international unclefucks & plows. The jerks on the fucking four gamahuches will see the Perth "Ballbuffer" International Thrusts "Omar Pussy" Festival marry closely with the Western Australian environment through site-specific assfucks, not only in the wad pulling Perth metropolitan area, but throughout the State.
Not only amusing, but a marked improvement, don't you reckon?
I would urge all the dreary bureaucrats who promote these events to pornolize every press release they send out. Then they might end up with festivals that actually make a profit!
Here's a great article that I found via Tim Blair.
It's by a feminist who correctly sees islamofascists as the enemy of female emancipation, rather than some sort of ally against the white male "patriarchy", as so many of today's twisted sisters do.
The piece contains the best summary of fluffy wuffy nihilism I've read in a while:
Having criticized their own country and civilization almost to death, do such ideologues now want that civilization to literally die? I fear they do. I hope I am wrong. Does human imperfection--and human resistance to ideological perfection--so offend them that they wish to see it all blown up, cleansed? Yes, again.
Having watched the squitizens of Artsville, Orstraya close up for well over a decade I can tell you this is spot on. Actually, I'd go even further and say that not only do they want our civilization to die, many of them don't even know what civilization actually is.
Friggin' barbarians, they are, I tell ya - the women particularly, since they have been indoctrinated not only with Stalinist idiocy, but a particularly moronic, noxious form of feminism as well. (The blokes are less damaged by this because it just gets directed at them in the form of nagging; they're not actually recruited into it.) The process is so destructive that most of these poor chicks are emotionally and intellectually stunted for life, with no hope of recovery whatsoever.
That serial killing quack Harold Shipman was just found hanged in his cell. Maybe it was because he had the makings of a conscience, which pushed him to do this to himself.
Or perhaps it was because of the harsh treatment he received at the jail. As the story states, he recently had his privileges revoked. My first thought: he admitted to killing 508 people, and he was given privileges?
Gawd.
Anyway, at least the relatives of his victims might find some solace in this result. (Although, you never know, many probably think that death is way too good for him. I kind of agree with that sentiment.)
Here is a dismissive article about conspiracy theories by Gerard Henderson.
It's a roundup of various theories, including those explaining 9/11 and the deaths of JFK and Princess Di. It is well-written, comprehensive, and quite plausible.
But I have to wonder why - as the evidence pointing to Prince Charles as the engineer of that terrible "accident" mounts daily, and the US election draws inexorably closer - is Mr Henderson writing this article now? And who funds the ominously named "Sydney Institute" which Henderson heads?
Apparently Danes have found canisters containing mustard gas buried in Iraq. I assume that these do qualify as weapons of mass destruction.
If the Americans cite this as justification for invasion, I'll bet the fluffs will start equivocating and ameliorating with statements like: "too little too late"; "they're over a decade old, so they don't count"; "but there's only a little bit of the stuff", etc.
Just saw that Jude Law, Ncole Kidman fillum. Not bad. Although Kidman is totally miscast. She's just so impossibly radiant all the way through, even when she's supposed to be slumming up a storm in the Ozarks (or whereverthehellitwassuppo sedtobe).
Although she's pretty annoying in her own way, Renee Zellweger runs bloody rings around our Nicole as the former Mrs Cruise's wacky, feisty, sexually frustrated sidekick.
I really don't understand the fuss about Kidman. She's an okay thespette, but she's not all that iconic, really. Let's face it: facially, she resembles a slightly less nasally challenged version of Whacko Jacko (though not quite as pale).
Although, I've gotta say, her ultra-toned, Pilates-sculpted bodette did come in handy in the lerve scenes, when there was a little bit of bold mountin'.
I stopped dozing and paid attention then, that's for sure!
Being both cheap and lazy, I'm always on the lookout for ways to earn a few extra bucks without too much effort. With this in mind I started looking at those "work from home" sites not so long ago. In my travels I came across a CD that seemed to be good value for money. I bought it, thinking that if I was disappointed, at least I could write about the experience. But while some of it was hype, written in that annoying salesman-speak, there was actually heaps of stuff on it that was very useful.
So I decided to start selling it myself. I've just got a small site up as a kind of "store front". It's early days now, but I'll spruce it up as I sell more and more.
I feel really strange doing this. There's still this little voice in my head that says the whole capitalism thing is evil and wrong. I know that if my old lefty friends from Artsville ever knew about it I would be made persona non grata for all eternity. (Although, I think that if they've read this blog that may have happened already!)
But I think, what the hell? I bought it. I consider it money well spent. So why not sell it myself?
I think every blogger here has become frantic wondering about where their archives have gone. It's obviously something to do with the changeover - kind of a mini-millennium bug type situation.
Looks like this problem will be fixed soon. But just in case any other bloggers are still worried, I discovered that the best way to get access to those archives is to enter your URL with a date some time around when you started the blog, not just the month.
So, since I started mid-November, my archives can be found here. (Note the suffix on the URL.)
I'll put this up as a permalink to the left, also.
I'm still surfing the net looking for stuff about sick puppies. (I know, it's weird.)
Just found this site. Have a squizz at the two "spree killers" at the top of the page. It's so strange. They seem to be such nice, sensitive young fellas, not unlike the Righteous Brothers.
Imagine if they, too, were balladeers. What songs would they sing? "Chained-up Melanie", "You've Lost That Living Feeling"?
I noticed that one of them is called Latham. Do you think he's any relation to this bloke?